I never wanted to speak about it whenever anyone would ask me how I felt. Her words, barely intelligible, were like soft formations carved from her teeth and lips.
She was originally from Trinidad and spent a lot of time listening to Christmas music on headphones. In all my actions I was free to make my own decisions. I am writing—writing with the speed of an animal being chased by a larger animal.
She taught me to smile and laugh. When this happened to me, when my dear mother died, I started to understand all those people who lost someone they loved. She believed Barbara Walters showed substance on The View when she hushed the other ladies up and spoke her mind.
She is the one that gives me motivation to become better than I was before every year that goes by. It is difficult to look at someone, to be in the same room as them talking to them, and realize that what you are experiencing is about to be no longer possible.
Sometimes the price of that is no longer being able to bake a cake or hug your grieving sons and husband. I say "her," but none of those things seemed to belong to anyone, least of all my mother. After seeming relatively alert during the pre-show champagne at her apartment, compliments on the decorshe appeared to unravel throughout the ceremony, shifting from barely living to officially dying in the time it took me to slip from lack of official attachment into wedlock.